


A Thousand Apologies

by doctornineandthreequarters



Series: 9-1-1 Prompts and Drabbles [12]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), Worried Firefam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27121555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctornineandthreequarters/pseuds/doctornineandthreequarters
Summary: Buck stared at the letter in his hand. It didn’t seem real or right. Everything about the day of the tsunami felt like a blur. His focus had been Christopher, keeping the boy safe. And then he had lost him, because he was trying to help too many people. So the letter before him, from the city, wanting to give him an award for heroics during the tsunami felt hollow, wrong even. He wasn’t a hero, not for that at least.---Or, an event held by the city celebrating heroics during the tsunami brings some new information to light.
Relationships: Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Firehouse 118 Crew, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: 9-1-1 Prompts and Drabbles [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878523
Comments: 13
Kudos: 533





	A Thousand Apologies

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Post lawsuit Buck is on the outs with the team. Out of the blue he gets a letter informing him that he is one of the recipients of an award from the city recognizing his heroics during the tsunami. He doesn't bother telling the firefam about this since they are still mad. Ironically the firefam get an invite to the same ceremony, Eddie bringing Chris along. Some of the people Buck saved recount everything he did before he comes out on stage. Firefam stunned, then feel super guilty

Buck stared at the letter in his hand. It didn’t seem real or right. Everything about the day of the tsunami felt like a blur. His focus had been Christopher, keeping the boy safe. And then he had lost him, because he was trying to help too many people. So the letter before him, from the city, wanting to give him an award for heroics during the tsunami felt hollow, wrong even. He wasn’t a hero, not for that at least.

Normally, he would’ve talked to someone about it. But things were still off after the lawsuit. Sure, Bobby was letting him on calls and Eddie was cordial to him. But it still felt like they hadn’t forgiven him, not in the way that mattered. 

He was sure he could’ve talked to Hen or Chimney about it, but that meant Maddie eventually finding out (because either he’d tell Chim and Chim would directly tell Maddie or he’d tell Hen, who’d tell Chim, who’d tell Maddie) and he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk about his with his sister. 

He glanced around the loft of the station. It was empty, everyone else asleep in the bunks. It had been why he had chosen that time to open the letter. Originally, he had been terrified when he saw the official seal for the city of Los Angeles. He had been terrified that it was going to be something about that stupid lawsuit that Buck wished he hadn’t filed. But instead, it was this, surprisingly another reminder of how crappy the year had been for Buck. He stood up with a sigh, letter still in his hand. 

He knew what he had to do. 

He walked over to the trash can and ripped the paper up, until it looked like nothing more than confetti. He then dumped it into the trash can. The day of the tsunami was one of the worst days of his life. He didn’t want to relive that day or be called a hero when he knew that wasn’t the case. He just wanted this to go away. 

So, with the letter ripped up beyond repair and in the trash, Buck walked away, hoping he could put all of that behind him.

* * *

“Dad, do we have to be here?” Eddie sighed as they stood outside of the hotel ballroom. He was in his dress uniform, adjusting the tie. Christopher was standing next to him, in his best button-down and dress pants. When the 118 had been invited to this event about the tsunami, Eddie hadn’t originally wanted to go. But the event was celebrating the heroic actions of first responders and civilians and Eddie knew it would be good for both him and Christopher (and Christopher’s therapist whole-heartedly agreed). And it meant a night where he wasn’t fighting. He knew that his fighting was getting out of hand, but he could worry about that another day. 

“Yes,” Eddie said, squatting down in front of his son. “I know we both still get scared about that day and I think this will help.”

“I’d rather hang out with Buck,” Christopher mumbled. Eddie sighed and stood up. Christopher had, of course, been asking why Buck hadn’t been around. And before, with the lawsuit, there was a reason. But now that Buck was back at work, there wasn’t a reason anymore. Well, there was a reason and it was Eddie being stubborn and not being past the lawsuit, even though he had said he was. 

He knew the reason he was keeping Buck at arm’s length was the same reason he kept going back to the fights. He was in control of both things. He could control how he was feeling and not fall down the rabbit hole of emotions he had been experiencing towards Buck. He knew it had been wrong of him to yell at Buck for not being around and then keep avoiding hanging out with him, but it was easier than the alternative. The alternative meant dealing with that rabbit hole and changing his friendship with Buck forever. And after everything he had been through, Eddie wasn’t sure he was ready for that. 

“Eddie, hey!” Hen and Chimney approached, both in their dress uniforms. “And Christopher! Don’t you look handsome?” Christopher shrugged and Eddie ruffled his son’s hair. 

“Anyone else coming?” Eddie asked. 

“Bobby texted saying he just got here with Athena,” Chimney said. “But that’s it from the 118.”

“So Buck’s not here?” Christopher asked sadly. Eddie fought back a sigh as Christopher glanced up at him. He noticed Hen and Chimney exchange a look and he was about to say something when Bobby and Athena came up to them. 

“Looks like we’re all here,” Bobby said, sporting his best ‘Captain’ smile. “Let’s find our table.” Eddie followed the group, trying not to notice the hunch in his son’s shoulders or the ache he always felt when Christopher mentioned Buck. 

But he pushed those thoughts away, doing whatever he could to focus on the event happening that evening. 

* * *

The whole event was a simple, quiet affair. He knew the people running it were trying to keep it light and happy, which was hard since the tsunami had been so destructive. But the event was focusing on the positives, on the heroics of the day. The 118 were there because of their work that day, the lives they had saved. They had been treated to a video from the family they had saved on the boat. Eddie couldn’t help but wonder which had been weirder, the man skewered to his new stepson or the couple that agreed to a divorce on top of a sinking ferris wheel. It had been a weird day (and Eddie tried just to focus on the day and not what happened when he got to the field hospital).

After some mingling and a decent meal, they began with the awards. The city of Los Angeles was also giving out awards to civilians who had exhibited heroic actions that day. Most of them were small heroic actions, things Eddie hadn’t heard about. But there was a young girl, no older than fifteen, that Chimney recognized. Chimney was able to explain, as she accepted her award, that the young girl had used her drone to help Maddie and the dispatchers. As the awards were given out, Eddie realized that there were tons of stories like that, of civilians helping others on what was a truly horrible day.

“Thank you everyone for your patience.” A woman, who had identified herself as the Mayor of Los Angeles, approached the microphone. “This night has been everything we had hoped for and more. We know the tragedies of the tsunami still hurt many of us today, but the ability to come together and celebrate the heroics of our first responders and our citizens is of the utmost importance. It is to that notion, that we present our final award of the evening.” A few people walked onto the stage once the mayor had finished speaking.

“Dad.” Eddie glanced at Christopher, who had reached for his arm. “I recognize that lady.” He pointed to one of the people standing on the stage. “And that man. And her too.” Everyone else at the table seemed to hear what Christopher was saying and looked over at the two of them. Eddie was about to ask his son what he meant, when the first person who had joined the mayor on the stage began speaking. 

“When the first wave of the tsunami hit, I didn’t know if I would be okay.” Eddie glanced at his son, who was watching the woman with rapt attention. “As I floated down what used to be the pier, calling for help, I didn’t know if I was going to see another day. And then he found me. As I hung out a telephone pole, hoping someone would find me, my prayers were answered. On a day when people had to make the choice between being selfish and selfless, one person saved my life and made sure there were more tomorrows for me to see.” 

“I remember, being trapped in my car, the water filling all around me.” A man was speaking next, but Eddie was hardly paying attention to their faces. It was the way Christopher watched them, with a sort of recognition that had something building its way up. “I thought I was going to be stuck there. And then he appeared with a promise. ‘I’ll be back for you’ he had said. And he kept his word. I’m standing here today because one person decided our lives were worth saving.”

Eddie felt something forming in the pit of his stomach. The way Christopher watched these people, the way they spoke, it felt too familiar, like he knew exactly who would be capable of such selflessness.

“Of all the awards we are giving today, we saved this one for last because of the sheer bravery and strength of will that this person showed.” The mayor was back at the microphone, a smile on her face. “So, without further ado, we would like to present the final award tonight to Evan Buckley.”

Everyone at the table exchanged a look. They had no idea that Buck was supposed to be there, that he was receiving an award. Then again, none of them knew what he had been through that day. No one had ever asked. It had been one tragedy after another with Buck and instead of being there for him, they all had given him space. 

But as Buck didn’t appear to accept his award, they realized that had been the wrong thing to do.

“Dad, is Buck going to get his award?” Christopher asked, posing the question everyone seemed to be wondering. But as the stage continued to lack the presence of one Evan Buckley, it was clear the answer was no. 

And it was even more clear that they had all made a lot of mistakes, especially when it had come to Buck. 

* * *

“I still don’t know why you wouldn’t want to go.” Buck sighed as he carried the dishes over to the sink. Maddie had shown up with take-out, since Chimney was at the ceremony. She had asked Buck why he wasn’t there and he had just settled on not being interested in going. If he mentioned the award to Maddie, he was sure she would’ve marched him down to the hotel where the award ceremony was happening. 

“I don’t think I should have to spend a whole evening remembering one of the worst days of my life.” He turned back to Maddie and she gave him a sympathetic look. “This has been one of the worst years of my life and the sooner I can move past it all, the better.”

“Buck.” He sighed, knowing his sister was going to want to say more than that, but luckily he was saved by a knock at the door. He gave his sister a pointed look before going to open the door.

He was a little shocked to find the whole team standing there, along with Christopher.

“Buck!” The boy eagerly attached himself to Buck’s leg and Buck chuckled, still somewhat confused, before scooping him up. 

“What, uh, what are you guys doing here?” He asked as he let him in. Maddie looked up from her food and raised an eyebrow when she saw everyone. Chimney walked over to Maddie, letting his hand rest on her shoulder. 

“We wanted to bring you your award,” Bobby said.

“His what?” Maddie asked. 

“Oh Buckaroo didn’t tell you either?” Chimney asked. “He was supposed to receive an award from the city of Los Angeles tonight. For his heroics during the tsunami.”

“Evan,” Maddie said, giving her brother a look. “Why wouldn’t you want to receive that? That’s a big deal.” Buck just sighed as he set Christopher down. He could feel everyone watching him. 

“For the same reason I told you earlier,” Buck said, looking over at his sister. “Now, could everyone please, just go?”

“Buck, this is important,” Hen said gently. Buck pursed his lips. He knew why he didn’t want to go to the ceremony or get his award, but he didn’t want to say it out loud. Especially not with Christopher in the room. 

“Buck?” He glanced down at the boy, who was watching him. “It’s okay if you don’t like thinking about the tsunami. I don’t like thinking about it either.” Buck sniffed, feeling tears prick at his eyes. He glanced at the stairs, wondering if he could make a break for it, to get away from this conversation. 

But instead, Hen pulled him into a hug. 

“We’ve been crappy friends,” She said, hugging him. “But we’re here now. We’re here and we’re sorry we didn’t notice sooner, Buckaroo.” And then he felt everyone else surrounding him, trying to comfort him. He felt Athena and Bobby’s hands on his shoulder. He felt Chimney and Maddie crowding into his right side. He felt Christopher tightly hugging onto his leg. And he felt Eddie, using that hug to whisper a thousand apologies. And Buck knew he didn’t need to say anything, didn’t need to explain himself. His friends, his family, were there. They were trying to fix what had been broken. 

So he just stayed in the center of the group hug, letting the people closest to him comfort him.

* * *

The apartment was quiet as Buck sat on the couch. Christopher was next to him, pressed against his side, fast asleep. Everyone had stuck around for sometime afterwards, picking at the food Buck and Maddie had ordered and just hanging out. It had been the happiest Buck had felt in awhile, which he was sure was evident by the smile on his face. 

Things were finally starting to go back to normal. He could just feel it. 

He glanced over at his kitchen, where Eddie was moving around. Everyone else had left, slowly filtering out over the evening. Bobby and Athena had left first, Athena giving Buck a tight hug and Bobby offering the young man a smile before saying he’d see Buck at work. Hen had gone after that, saying she wanted to be home to tuck Denny into bed. Maddie and Chimney had hung around a little longer, Maddie talking about places in the apartment where they should hang Buck’s award, before finally leaving. 

Now, it was just Buck, Eddie, and Christopher, something that hadn’t happened in what felt like ages.

He knew that a lot of the reason why they hadn’t hung out was because of him. He had filed the lawsuit. He had stayed away after everything with the tsunami. But it took two to tango, as they said, and for as much space as Buck had put, Eddie put right back. They had both been pushing each other away and clearly, that hadn’t helped anyone, especially not Christopher, who had spent the whole evening practically hanging off Buck. He sighed, knowing now was probably the best chance to talk to Eddie, before getting up. 

“Can we,” He started, walking over to Eddie. 

“I wanted to…” They both stopped and an awkward chuckle filled the air. “You can go first.”

“I just wanted to know if we could talk,” Buck said. “Because I know you said you forgave me on Halloween but…”

“But I didn’t actually,” Eddie said with a sigh. “Yeah, I know. That was unfair of me. I was trying to be a good friend and say that all was forgiven, but the whole thing still just made me so mad. But then, tonight, I realized being mad meant I was being selfish. I was angry because he needed you.” Buck watched as Eddie glanced over at his son. “I was angry because we both needed you and you weren’t there. But, you needed us too and I didn’t notice.”

“I wish I could take it all back,” Buck said, fidgeting with his hands. “In fact, I wish the last few months hadn’t happened. Or that this stupid year was over.”

“All of this isn’t something we can just push past,” Eddie said, moving closer to Buck. “It takes time. It takes help.”

“From a professional?” Buck asked and Eddie shrugged.

“I suppose,” He said with a sigh. “But also help from friends, from family, from…” His voice trailed off as he reached for Buck’s hands.

“Oh.” Buck let his fingers interlace with Eddie’s, a small blush creeping up his cheeks. 

“I don’t wish the last few months hadn’t happened,” Eddie said, his thumb running over Buck’s knuckles. “Because if they hadn’t, I wouldn’t have realized…” He looked up at Buck, a sweet smile on his face. Buck just watched him, a smile crossing his face as well. 

“Realized what?” Buck asked, his voice barely above a whisper. He could feel Eddie moving closer to him, almost as if an unknown force was pulling them together. Eddie’s hand came up to cradle Buck’s cheek, the smile still on his face. “Eddie?”

But instead of answering, Eddie closed the distance between the two, his lips sealing over Buck’s.

Buck melted into the kiss, his arms winding around Eddie’s waist. He didn’t know what sort of cliche could describe a kiss like that, but it didn’t really matter to him. He could get lost in that kiss, with the hope that no one besides Eddie ever found him. It felt right. It felt like coming home. 

“That,” Eddie said, when they both pulled away. 

“Well then I guess everything worked out the way it was supposed to.” Eddie just smiled before Buck kissed him again. The day hadn’t gone at all as Buck had expected, but that didn’t matter anymore. Because standing in his kitchen, kissing Eddie, he knew everything was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> [Scream with me on my Tumblr?](https://doctornineandthreequarters.tumblr.com)


End file.
